today being sick and at home, was time not only lay down and do nothing, but most importantly to have time with myself to think on what i have become. and somehow realized, that till now, i`m kind of giving up person.
as it turn out during Christmas and getting to know more about my father, then it could come from him, as he actually was the one that gave up on me or my mother.
or my first love...i was so crazy in love that was not even able to speak with a guy properly. Yes years ago i was a sky little girl. and even thought we went out and had fun, there never happen nothing more than being friends, and sometime i just gave up and let it go.
Don`t remember other smaller things happening, however...
another part that really bothers me is my university studies. well, more its suffering and painful, as the studies are as boring as hell. I can count on one hand the lectures i really liked and admire the professors of work they are doing, the rest have been just lame, as most probably those professors themselves are so bored to everyday show up and talk over the same. I lack two paperwork to get my diploma. till now i have gave up that, as i believe that i have to put an effort in work that noone later will care about.
However today I realized and set myself clear. I AM NOT A GIVING UP person. Its just not me. Yes, I admit, i`ve been very demotivated to finish my thesis, but now I am on the way finally to get my diploma. I can do it. Sure, I can and I will.
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